I had highs and lows all weekend / Teary eyes and nose all weekend / Touched the skies, touched my toes / I had highs, I had lows / Held a ticking bomb all weekend / Nothing set me off all weekend / Felt the thorns and picked the roses / I had highs and I had lows / I can tolerate a lot / But I get angry at the thought that / I won't get a better plan / Than hoping for the best / Oh, searching for a piece of the unknown / That I can put my hands around and hold / Let me take you out and bring you home / Break out of this body / Wish I had a better reason / Not to text you back all weekend / Bad at sleeping / Bad at eating / That's the reason that I've got / But when I'm feeling halfway decent / I've been going out all weekend / Burying the terror deep / And chasing what I'm not / Oh, searching for a piece of the unknown / That I can put my hands around and hold / Let me take you out and bring you home / Break out of this body / I can tolerate a lot / When I'm distracted by the thought of / Taking off and breaking into / Someone else's skin / Oh, searching for a piece of the unknown / That I can put my hands around and hold / Let me take you out and bring you home / Break out of this / Break out of this body / Won't you put your hands around and / Hold me till it feels a little bit like home / Till it feels a little bit like home / Back inside this body
Your phone was stolen / You needed me / To take your calls / Until a new one / Could make it through the mail / You got a message / That I'll never pass on / I'll plan the wake / When you're gone / And sleep with all the lights on
I am scared of the space you make in my mind / Of the black hole a star leaves behind / You have pushed the darkness far away / But I can't need you, I can't need you to stay / Cause one day you might shine in other skies / And I will have to learn to turn the light on / With supernovas burning up behind my eyes / Well, my world will still be brighter / Even when you're gone, you're making me stronger / With the strength that I grew when you were here / It was mine all along, but no longer / Will it falter in face of fear / On the shortest day of the year / And that's thanks to you, my dear / I am scared of the space you make in my bed / I never noticed it before it held your head / You have made my waking up so warm / But I can't need you to set my alarm / Cause one day you might find another pillow / And I will have to fall asleep alone / Maybe you won't want to, but you'll go, you will, you will go / Well, my world will still be brighter / Even when you're gone, you're making me stronger / With the strength that I grew when you were here / It was mine all along, but no longer / Will it falter in face of fear / On the shortest day of the year / And that's thanks to you, that's thanks to you, my dear / My dear / My dear
Call me in transit / Call me at work / Call me when your dad is being a jerk / But don't call me when she's coming over / Text me at midnight / Text me in class / Text me receiving communion at mass / But don't text me while she's in the shower / I don't have infinite willpower / I can be cool / And I can be there for you / But I'm gonna care if you ask my opinion / On what you should wear / To look good for your date / When you left us to fate / I'm not taking the bait / Comment on insta / We can have fun / Heart eye emojis, confuse everyone / But don't think I wanna see a picture / Don't wanna think about you with her / Don't call me when she's coming over / Don't text me while she's in the shower
If I was a friend of mine / I would ask me why I do it / Why I keep you in my life / When you only cause me pain / If I was a friend of mine / I would take me round the ruins / Showing me with clearer eyes / Why I've got to walk away / I know we're just friends / And I've got no illusions / About where this ends / Why we do what we're doing / We both take what's left / You don't love me, you don't lie / Except to call us friends / When you're no friend of mine / Cause if you were a friend of mine / You would ask me how I'm doing / You wouldn't be scared that I'd / Shrug my shoulders, turn away / And if you were a friend of mine / You'd be brave and face the music / Play it with the volume high / And you'd know I'm not okay / I know we're just friends / And I've got no illusions / About where this ends / Why we do what we're doing / We both take what's left / You don't love me, you don't lie / Except to call us friends / When you're no friend of mine / When you're no friend of mine / Cause if you were a friend of mine / You wouldn't want to waste my time / And if you were a friend of mine / You wouldn't know what I taste like / And if you were a friend of mine / You wouldn't want to waste my time / And if you were a friend of mine / You wouldn't know, you wouldn't know / We're just friends / And I've got no illusions / About where this ends / Why we do what we're doing / We both take what's left / You don't love me, you don't lie / Except to call us friends / When you're no friend of mine
You do your best to bleed when you're supposed to / You want a baby and I want your dreams to come true / You taught me there's no shame in wanting what you don't have / It only makes you human / I think you're brave as hell for counting chickens / You wait out the days / And I will love you just the same, whatever happens / I trust the smallest pinky promise / That you won't betray me / I have more faith in your right hand / Than my entire broken body / I need to be there for you / It's the only way I know to free myself / I've never seen the future / But you are building it here I wanna help / Reach into the cloudy crystal ball / Give her a name, to make it real / Make it believable / I used to knock on wood and cross my fingers / Whenever I could taste the bitter edge of real desire / I thought if I could just keep cool and small and quiet / The door would open when they weren't looking I'd sneak by it / I used to laugh at other women manifesting / Felt like the feminine equivalent of barroom boasting / But now the bullet journal babes are shooting bullseyes / While I throw jealous darts behind the counter till my drink runs dry / I need to be there for you / It's the only way I know to free myself / I've never seen the future / But we are building it here / I wanna help / Reach into the cloudy crystal ball / Give her a name, to make it real / Make it believable / When it's too hard to dream it for myself / I'll start with someone else / When it's too hard to dream it for myself / I'll start with someone else / When it's too hard to dream it for myself / I'll start with someone else / When it's too hard to dream it for myself / I'll start with someone else
Summer after freshman year you stop shaving your legs / Give up eating chicken and you pierce your cartilage / I go skinny dipping after midnight in the pond / Don’t make out the details in the dark, just carry on / Seven odd years later in the city where we’ll meet / You’ll take off your glasses and I’ll hold your face so sweet / We’ll sit on the floor and laugh at all our tangled limbs / I will wonder why it took so long to just give in / And be who I was / Who I was the whole time / All I’ll take from college is it’s never either or / But I’ll still need to feel it out firsthand before I’m sure / You will draw a map of all the moments that make sense / Lose the piece of paper but hold on to where you’ve been / Cause it’s who you were / Who you were the whole time / When I come home to myself I’ve fixed the place up nice / Kept the record cabinet stocked and hung the colored lights / And all our chosen family is waiting in the wings / Not to shout “surprise” but just to pull us in and sing / That it’s who I was / Who I was the whole time / And it’s who you were / Who you were the whole time / And it’s who we were / Who we were / Who we were the whole time
There’s a ghost ship / Where the waves break / On invisible oars / Brief adventure / Turned eternal / Bride and groom overboard / Spirits rose from the brine / Singing “what’s yours is mine” / He was promised to another / Overseas they could hide / Trusting no one / But the sailors / With the knot they had tied / Far from shelter / And forgiveness / No one came to their aid / When the storms hit / They had nothing / But the vows they had made / Something old still so new / Sinking deep in the blue / So they borrowed a voice from the wind / And a body they took from the bones of their ship / And the fluttering flag on the sail / Is the tattered remains of her veil / Ooh, ooh / You who searches / With your spyglass / Where the sea meets the sun / For a man who / Loved another / What more could you have done
You left the string lights twinkling like stars / I tried to navigate by where you are / It hurts to stay close, to keep distance from you / I'm not scared of hard things, but which one to do / Cause I've spun in circles since you killed the magnetic field / I can't find the dipper, I'm stuck with the sword and the shield / I wish I had something that wasn't a blade in my belt / I've been lost since I cut out the love that I felt / Orion, I'm trying my best / He says to keep searching / I just want to rest / I loved you way more than enough / And we had the world but / You still wanted stardust / We had the world but / You still wanted stardust, mm / You left the string lights tangled in knots / I won't replace all the floor lamps you bought / I know that you're gone but I'm not ready yet / It hurts to remember, it's worse to forget / How I spun in circles just trying to give you your space / But all you could see was me dizzy and running in place / I wish I had somewhere to turn to that wasn't the sky / He points out where you went but he won't tell me why / Orion, I'm trying my best / He says to keep searching / I just want to rest / I loved you way more than enough / And we had the world but / You still wanted stardust / Oh stardust, it's all in the name / The sparkle has faded / But we're made of the same / Oh and I loved you / I wish that was enough / But you only saw world where / I could see stardust / You only saw world where I could see stardust, mm
Your phone was stolen / You needed me to take your calls until / A new one could make it through the mail / You got a message / That I'll never pass on I'll plan the wake when you're gone / And sleep with all the lights on / I see the future / And there's no getting out of coming home / To you first / Before I let you go / I don't need always / I just need to be who you love the most / I think I miss you / I sleep with all the lights on / And that's unlike me / I never miss anyone / I do believe you love me / But do you really want me like that / Pull me in darling / Leave your mark / Lead me into darkness / But don't you dare hurry / I'll hold on / Do you one last favor / I'll wait till later to follow / We share locations / But just in case of an emergency / You test my patience / Staying out so late / You make a promise / To always break my heart straight to my face / I think you want this / We kiss with all the lights on / I think I'm jealous / You never miss anyone / I do believe you're honest / You haven't learned to lie to me yet / Pull me in darling / Leave your mark / Lead me into darkness / But don't you dare hurry / I'll hold on / Do you one last favor / I'll wait till later to follow / When you're in transit / I won't expect your texts to come right through / But when you've landed / I'll start to breathe again / I practice magic / I hear you in the sky and underground / I think I found you / In dreams with all the lights on / And in the darkness / I swear I'll be the last one / To hold you and to tell you / I think I really want you like that
I'm still surprised that I'm pretty / I wasn't holding out hope / Far more concerned with my body / Fraying away like a rope / Teens are supposed to be reckless / Drive like they think they can't die / I couldn't picture past twenty / Somehow I'm living the lie / God I'm so glad I'm alive / Used to make lists / Of the people I'd kissed / All the good things that happened to me / Just in case I never opened my eyes / When I finally let myself sleep / Cause every true story's a little bit gory / If it's gonna end up complete / After he left me I wondered / If maybe my quota was met / One love before I went under / It's still more than some people get / But God, I'm so glad I outlasted / The girl who would call that shit love / She had to die to get wiser / And I had to live to get tough / Used to make lists / Of the people I'd kissed / All the good things that happened to me / I don't keep track now / I'm giving them back now / It isn't so hard now to sleep / Knowing I'll like who I am in the morning / And grieve if we don't get to meet / If I had mistimed the centuries / I wouldn't have seen 23 / But 200 years and I'm pretty / Swallow the pills and breathe free / God, I'm so glad just to be
I am Homer with my pen over the page / Let it tremble, let it hover / Till it falls to last an age / When a million loaves have risen / In a single coastal hut / And the crude maps I have drawn back to you / Faded into dust / Will a final weary journey be enough / I am Dickinson in secret, on display / I am letters, I am longing, for a woman far away / On the other side of Amherst, of a brother / Of the law / I will call upon the centuries to witness what I saw / A golden moon beneath a perfect jaw / A golden moon beneath a perfect jaw / I am trying to be good enough to love / I'm appealing to the legends and the ancient gods above / It has been so many lifetimes and we haven't found them yet / The instructions for contentment / Or for boats that don't get wet / Only epics, only poems in the net / Only epics, only poems in the net